Whose List Is This?

After a nearly two decade long sabbatical I've become reaquainted with the inner workings of the doctor's office. I counted the other day and realized that if the recommendation is for a yearly visit, in the last 12 months I have made up for 17 years worth of skipped visits. Or better yet, banked ahead for the next 17 years.

Either way, I am there far too freakin' often.

There's a standard list of questions the medical assistant asks at every visit.

"Age?" "Forty-five minutes older than I was when I filled out the 'Age' line on the form the front desk lady gave me when I walked in here...."

"Date of your last...(fill in the blank with a half dozen closed door moments)" "Last week... Last month... I can't remember... This morning... Forty-nine minutes ago as I was leaving home to come here... Huh? Never, not once, not even for money."

"When you cough or sneeze does a little urine ever leak out?" "Whoa! WHAT? WHAT? "

"Oh, we ask that of every patient over a certain age. It's a very common problem for women especially if you've had several kids..."

Whose list is this anyway? WHEN did THAT question get on MY list?? Who decided it was more pertinent in my health profile to stop asking about my sex life and start asking how often I wet myself? Twenty years ago I know I was not being asked if I peed myself when the cat got too close and triggered a sneezing fit.

note to self.....like it or not, you ARE over a certain age....

note #2 to self...damn kids.