A Leap of Faith

Thomas, called Didymus, one of the Twelve,was not with them when Jesus came.So the other disciples said to him, “We have seen the Lord.”But Thomas said to them,“Unless I see the mark of the nails in his handsand put my finger into the nailmarksand put my hand into his side, I will not believe.”Now a week later his disciples were again insideand Thomas was with them.Jesus came, although the doors were locked,and stood in their midst and said, “Peace be with you.”Then he said to Thomas, “Put your finger here and see my hands,and bring your hand and put it into my side,and do not be unbelieving, but believe.”Thomas answered and said to him, “My Lord and my God!”Jesus said to him, “Have you come to believe because you have seen me?Blessed are those who have not seen and have believed.” John 20:24-29

I've watched and listened many hours now as Kevin has struggled with the chemotherapy question. First last fall when surgeon and oncologist disagreed and now, again, as another surgeon and another oncologist don't precisely agree.

Kevin finds a lot of the struggle rooted in his concept of recognizing and doing God's will. What does God want him to do with his life and how? We have a differing viewpoint about how much God manages these things so I've not been a lot of help in this area.

In fact, it makes me a little nuts when Kevin is all about "what does God want me to do" and I am populating a spreadsheet with numbers so I can run a comparison. I see it as a morally neutral decision with no right or wrong answer in God's plan beyond Kevin choosing what is right for him.

I think God gave us science for a reason.

And then I stumbled onto John's account of Thomas, the doubter.

Like Thomas, I have a fat dose of skepticism about things I can't see or touch or prove through research. I like numbers and facts and science to back me up.

Maybe I like them so much that I let them keep me from taking a leap of faith. From handing it all confidently to God.

I need to remember the rest of John's account of Thomas. The deep faith Thomas professed which shows his willingness to change and his acceptance of Truth when it was presented to him.

So what's in here for Kevin and I right now? Faith. More precisely, leaping in faith.

Even though we may be taking this leap from slightly different vantage points, it is, still, a leap of faith for both of us. Faith in a God who loves us and who wants whatever is best for us--particularly in this moment, for Kevin. Faith in a God who will not leave us alone on whatever path is chosen.