The Better List

It was quiet around here tonight. Heavy quiet.

Kevin's return to chemotherapy tomorrow is weighing on both of us.

He's dreading what he already knows and hates about it. And worried about the additional burdens it may place on his already over-taxed body. Not wanting to learn the intricacies of treatment in a new place.

I'm telling myself it will be better here. They listen and react to him better. The place is lighter and roomier so he won't feel that claustrophobic closing in of walls. I won't feel the over powering presence of too many people in too small a place so I'll be more positive for Kevin.

I won't have to divide myself in multiple directions between the daycare's needs and Kevin's needs and I think that will help. He'll feel more confident if I am there to watch over things and I'll be less stressed without feeling like I'm asking too much of everyone else to make this happen for us.

I made a list of why it will be better this time. If I read it enough, I'll convince myself.