Asses and Experts

We met with the oncologist office this morning; to be precise, we met with the nurse practitioner. It's hard to like the guy in the villan's role--especially when we have a SuperHero Surgeon on the flip side. Maybe that's all there is to the uncomfortable feeling we have with the oncology office--they keep getting cast in the role of delivering the bad news.

I am annoyed. After Wednesday's appointment with the surgeon, I called the oncology office and was assured that the doctor and nurse practitioner would read the surgeon's recommendation of no chemotherapy before we arrived today. I specifically told them it appeared there might be a difference of opinion.

The nurse practitioner came in and started outlining this treatment plan and talking about Kevin getting a port implanted. He didn't even notice Kevin going three shades more pale and me trying to slow him down so Kevin could catch his breath.

This guy was scheduling chemotherapy to start later this month and there sat Kevin still grasping onto the surgeon saying he didn't need chemotherapy.

The doctor and nurse practitioner had not communicated with the surgeon, didn't know Kevin was expecting to be told observation, rather than further treatment, was the plan. I don't know if they failed to follow-up on my request or if the receptionist failed to communicate my request to them.

There are other things that concern me.

The NP said it is a Stage 3 cancer. That's inconsistent with the numbers from the pathology report and the NP brushed over our questions about further defining those numbers.

Although I had previously researched the drugs used in this treatment, there is room for some variance. I asked the NP for the name of each drug Kevin would have and what the drug is for. He lumped all the pre-meds off as "vitamins" and described one of the infused chemotherapy drugs as a 'vitamin' too. The pre-meds are not remotely vitamins and that's a vague, not wrong but not quite accurate, answer on the other drug when used in this treatment. Both times I'm convinced the NP didn't want to be bothered to make an in-depth answer, not that he didn't know the answer.

We left not knowing if he's too busy to answer in depth, too lazy to pull out the big words or thinks we're too dumb to get it.

Today's experience brought home the concept that being an expert doesn't preclude being a total ass as well. Kevin has rectal cancer; I thought we were looking for an ass expert NOT an expert ass.

The nurse practitioner did assure us that there would be communication with the surgeon before Kevin's next appointment.

There are just more questions now than answers. We meet again with the oncologist on the 19th. Kevin needs some time to adjust and think this through. He's wiped out; it was an awful blow to his confidence in recovering.

Kevin's frustration made me sad, but it mostly made me want to go and kick somebody's (expert) ass for letting him get sideswiped this way.