Monday Muse...

***how does a toilet just magically break? Sprout a hole in the lower corner of the front of the tank? And how does a tenant manage to make that phone call to the landlord (or me, as the case may be) with any comfort level? "...just sat down and it broke..." I'm not saying it's not true, I'm saying it's uncomfortably weird. I've put it at the top of the list of phone calls I wouldn't want to make to my landlord.

***if I throw out the cooked bacon when I'm cleaning the refrigerator and then I regret it because I could go ahead and use it in the green beans I've decided to cook for dinner, is it bad form to retrieve it? If it landed in the grass out back, not in the dirt where the deer raid the feeder, and the crows haven't gotten to it yet and it's way too late in the morning for the raccoons to have given it a taste test? I mean, I boil the heck out of the pot of beans anyway....

***this email today, filed under the heading of Why does Mr. L. even bother trying to keep me in the real world loop...

My Response: Nothing on my end. I mean the usual everyday stuff like world peace negotiations, meeting with the UsedToBeBig Three in Detroit to pound out a plan where they learn to play nice with our money, teleconference in with world economic leaders to determine why, why, why M & Ms were $2.94 a pound yesterday at Menards. Other than that I'm clear. Oh, and do laundry. It's been awhile and I noticed you are wearing your swim trunks as underwear.

Mr. L's initial email:
Saturn goes in by 11am Tuesday to Monro
MIO Wed for a short meeting on Visual
Bob says change brakes at his shop is fine anytime.
What else is happening this week?

***if I ride my bike the half mile up to the local drive-thru liquor store (now there's a marketing plan that just begged for government intervention), can I buy one can of beer? To go? Should I bring my own plain brown paper bag like the cloth bags I take to Kroger or will one be provided? And will it be like stopping into the winery down the road for a bottle of wine--where they expect I might actually know something about wine? (I don't.) Will JR (and I can pretty much assure you his name tag will be spelled "JR," pronounced "Junior" And it will be his legal name and spelling.) at the drive-thru ask me what I want to serve with the beer? And will he even blink when I tell him I want to poke holes in it with a nail and stuff it up the rump of a chicken on the grill? I'm betting not.