Dear So and So---

Dear Whoever Wrote the Copy for the Employment Ad: "Immediate" is not spelled "i-m-m-i-d-i-e-n-t." I thought it was a funny mistake the first day it hit the paper in those BIG letters with the bolded font. For a job in graphics design. After seeing it run for 5 days I realize not only are spelling skills lacking, computer aided spell check is apparently on the fritz.
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Dear Potential Employer: Not only will I be an asset to your layout and design department, I can spell "immediate" and many other big words. And I AM available for immediate work.
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Dear Shredder Manufacturer--In my humble opinion, you may have misrepresented the ease with which your product is emptied. I questioned the design in my mind but your ad copy promising the amazing identity theft proof capabilities of your cutting pattern was enough to sway my doubts. On review, I have decided that no one wants to assume the identity of an almost 50 year old, unemployed woman with a rebellious estrogen overload anyway. I am returning your product. By the way, my AARP card which arrived in the mail this week is jammed sideways in the mechanism along with my birth certificate and a bottle of Midol which my arthritic hands could not open.
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Dear Grocery Store Coupon Generator. What was in my cart that prompted you to spit out two coupons for future purchase of laxatives? Was it those crappy fiber bars that Sweeney eats? The raisin bran? The probioticfiberenhancedantioxidantbalanced yogurt drinks? You never spew forth with multiple coupons for Hershey or Mars products. Did you think I hadn't noticed??