Kevin is frustrated by the continuing--growing--side effects of chemotherapy. The neuropathy has increased and is interfering with simple tasks like buttons and keystrokes. He trips alot because of the numbness in his feet. He drops a lot of things--or squeezes a glass until it breaks--because his fingers won't communicate if he's got a grip on something or not. He feels achy and overall flu-like much of the time and his energy level is kaput.
All expected results of chemotherapy and all proof that you can intellectually know something yet not really know it until you live it.
My research indicated he would see an increase in the quantity and duration of side effects as chemotherapy continued. And we have been cautioned several times by both medical staff and other patients to expect a cumulative impact.
So he knew it could happen.
But in his mind he is ramping down to finish this deal and he hoped the physical side effects would be gracious enough to ramp down with his mindset!
One of the frustrations of chemotherapy is the inconsistency of reaction. There are commonalities and a few definites but it's still a lot of wait and see. Kevin can count on a certain amount of cold sensitivity, neuropathy, nausea and general rotten feeling each time. But the quantity and duration of the effects varies somewhat. There's some relativity to things we can control in his environment but a lot of it just is what it is and he's always left guessing as to how he'll feel on any given day after treatment. And disappointed when he feels worse than he thought he would--or should.
He's got the heart and determination of a lion though and continues to go to work each day--10 or 12 hours of each day. I think a little moderation might help here but 'moderation' isn't part of Kevin's work ethic. And when he argues that work keeps him from focusing on chemotherapy and getting too sucked up in the accompanying misery, I can't really make a case for change.
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