Hard Decisions

After a lot of talk and prayer, lots of prayer, I've decided to close the daycare in order to better meet Kevin's needs during the coming months.

It's a lot of things--the travel to and from Ohio and the toll that's going to take on him, the appointments I can't go to with him, the amount of time I have to ask someone from my family to sub for me here in the daycare and the oncology clinic here.

My father and Mary will be heading to Arizona soon so I won't have them to stay with the kids for an hour here and there while I go with Kevin to appointments. I can't expect our daughters or my sister or brother-in-law to continue rearranging their work days to accomodate my desire to keep the daycare open.

The clinic just doesn't feel "right" for him, for us. He feels overlooked at the clinic and finds the chaotic nature of the infusion area unsettling. The nursing staff is very nice and caring but also seems over loaded. A lot to do and not enough of them to do it.

And Kevin needs me. He just needs me to be available, to put him first.

I told the daycare families today. Two moms cried. One thought I was kidding and I had to keep assuring her that I was serious.

It was awful, gutwrenching. I didn't want this to turn all of their lives upside down too.

I'll be going to Ohio so Kevin can continue his treatment and his job with less travel and, hopefully, less chaos in his treatment weeks. Our last day of daycare will be the Friday before Christmas. I'm closing for the holiday break as usual but I won't be reopening in January.

Hannah caught on to what is happening. She crawled up on my lap to ask, "Who is going to take care of us?"

I don't know, Hannah. Someone wonderful. I'll help your mom find someone wonderful.

There aren't any easy answers and I don't have a plan. Not even a safety pin.