Dear So and So---

Dear Person Who Decides What's On Sale--I know you follow me through the store--any store--to see what I have purchased this week just so you can put it on sale next week at deep, deep discount. And add that little **no price adjustments** disclaimer. It's so obvious. ---Observant Consumer
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Dear Practically One of My Kids Mother of Miss Haylee--Sugar Free mints? Sugar free? Whose idea was this? Were you trying to kill me? I think I've explained there really are no substitutes for sugar or caffeine. Did you think I wouldn't notice? Yes, I know the bag is empty. We live in desperate times. ---Love, Ms. Lorri
PS When you give an enormous bag of M & Ms along with a bag of mints, Kevin can sometimes be confused and think the M & Ms are for him. In the future please make it crystal clear that the M & Ms are mine too. There appears to have been some confusion on this point and a hairy hand buried deep in the M&Ms may have been slapped.
PPSS or however that works....thank you and your lovely family for always thinking of ways to make us smile.
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Dear Client--Your invective filled email concerning the artwork for your parent's 60th anniversary gift has been appropriately filed. My suggestion that you forward a picture of someone else's parents--since you are so obviously unhappy with the appearance of your own--was sincere. I am an artist, not a magician. ---Sincerely, Princess Working Stiff
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Dear Prince Charming--I am not well suited for anything other than self-employment. I'm sure you knew this when I insisted it was time for me to have a grown-up job. If it helps at all, I'll put it in writing. You were right. I don't play well with others. Now dust off that white horse and rescue me from myself or resign yourself to mediocrity in the kitchen. And possibly the entire house. Don't make me explain. ---Love, The Girl Dead Tired Middle Aged Woman Standing Beside the Quickly Rotting Pumpkin Holding One Glass Slipper, a bag of cheetoes and a Wacom.