Deer Sightings

It's deer season here in southwestern Ohio. Men plan their vacations around the first day of bow season with another day planned for the opening of gun season.

There's a lot of friendly Bambi-que competition about who has the best recipes for stew, sausage and barbeque. Kevin enjoys venison on the hoof, as it raids our feeders out back. He's just not a fan of it on his plate and he's already had to macho-up and try a few samples. I'm claiming to live a vegan lifestyle until the season passes.

Saturday mornings are good for numerous dead deer sightings in town but this one was exceptional. I actually followed the guy out of town so I could get a picture. It's not easy to get a good photo of a moving vehicle when you're trying to avoid gaining the attention of the sleep deprived driver with a crossbow on the seat beside him.

The SUV deer transport system is unusual in the local sea of trucks. Clearly an outsider. Wimmin and newcomers drive SUVs around here. Townies do not.

The preferred dear carcass transportation method here is across the hood of a Ford F150 or a pimped out Dodge Ram. Never mind that the bed of the truck is usually empty, save for a crushed cigarette carton, the wrapper of a sub sandwich from UDF and a 24 pack chilling on the drive home. Friends assure me that deer processing is a communal event and it can take a lot of beer to properly prepare Bambi for a lengthy stay in the freezer.

So we have a picturesque setting...a pristine new snow, the courthouse square decked out in lights and a large nativity scene, families walking in and out of the local bookstore so the kids can have their run down the Christmas slide (Remember Ralphie and the department store Santa scene in A Christmas Story? Apparently the bookstore owner here is a fan and a very creative person.) And then there's the stiff, dead deer drooping over the roof of the SUV.

Once we moved past that riveting holiday imagery, the big buck on top of the high SUV just begged speculation about HOW? How did one guy get the thing up there? How funny was it to watch? When he tacks on medical costs for his now injured back along with the cost of portable deer stand, ammo, bow and beer, does the processed venison come in at less than thirty bucks a pound?

My imagination runs toward images of the hunter hoisting the deer on the hood of his SUV then climbing up on the top and standing, spread legged, as he tugs a stiffening deer inch by inch up the windshield and onto the luggage rack.

I wonder if Eddie Bauer makes deer strappin' bungee cords to match his brand labeled Ford Explorers?