Trust Bill to Finish Your Prayers

Kevin feels bad when he falls asleep mid-prayer. And it happens a lot these days.

His friends Bill and Dolly gave him this rosary. Bill died a few years ago after a long health battle. I'm convinced that Bill finishes those prayers when Kevin is too tired to get through them on his own.

Seven days and Kevin is still pretty done in from the last treatment. Just beat.

He eats a little because I fix it and sit in front of him. But the nausea keeps him from eating much and he says the bad taste in his mouth makes everything waiver between bland and nasty.

He's not sleeping well either. His side of the bed is lit by the glow of either computer, iTouch or Blackberry. Thank you, Lord, for electronic toys. They keep his mind off that circular path of "I'm so tired/I can't sleep."

In the mornings I wake up tangled in his rosary because he's finally fallen asleep in the midst of prayers. I set the beads on the nightstand and know his prayers are completed. Thanks, Bill.

Chemo-anything-but-therapy

Kev's still feeling rotten from last week's chemotherapy treatment.

Therapy my ass.

They need new words. "Chemo-therapy treatment" sounds like a spa thing. A nice facial, a massage, maybe a mud wrap.

Something where you leave feeling better than when you arrived.

This week it's known as "chemo-kick-you-in-the-head-make-you-feel-like-crap-and-hope-it-doesn't-kill-you-before-it-saves-you treatment."

I hate this stuff. I can't even muster up any perky "at least it's not as bad as it could be..." tonight. He shouldn't have to feel this bad for this long.

Day Three, again.

Day Three. Infusion pump goes away for another 12 days or so and Kevin can start to recover again from another treatment. He's tired, he doesn't feel well, nothing tastes good...it's all accumulating heavily this round.

There's something wrong with this whole concept of making him so sick in order to get/keep him well.

Day Two, Cycle 4-15...

Middle day--translates to "sleep was elusive last night and will be again tonight." I think Kevin finally dropped off around 2 a.m. this morning. The headache is really wearing on him and the neuropathy is increasing.

Four or five liters of water a day to hurry the drugs through his system mean hourly wake up calls when he does finally fall asleep. Exhaustion means he forgets to grab the infusion pump as he stumbles out of bed. Six feet of IV tubing away and he is jerked back to reality like a dog on a chain.

It's a darkly funny scene when he is feeling well and heart breaking when he is not.

He does a good job of pushing through the worst of the side effects most of the time, but he's done in this time. Just plain exhausted from the fight.

Hopefully we'll see things start to improve by the weekend.

2/3 of the Way There...

Chemotherapy day again. Treatment #8 means Kevin is 2/3 of the way through.

It's beautiful outside today--low 70s and sunny. There is a racket of birdsong from the woods behind us and the feeders are in constant use. Kevin likes to watch the little goldfinches on the thistle socks.

We came home from the clinic and he fell asleep outside on the patio. The fresh air will, hopefully, help clear some of the chemotherapy cobwebs away and let him rest well. It felt good to peek ouside and see him napping there in the warmth.

Another indicator of how much cancer has changed me. Who knew I could get all warm and fuzzy over Kevin's ability to take a mid-day nap?

Buy Season Tickets for the Zoo

.. my advice for the day. Buy season tickets to the zoo.

Kevin felt like he needed some fresh air and motion so we decided to put our "Grandparent's Season Pass" to use. A zoo pass is the kind of thing you buy when your kids are little, which is a good fiscal idea--going to the zoo isn't a cheap date.

It ought to be the kind of thing you buy when your kids are all grown up.

Going to the zoo is just good for you. No matter your age.

The Zoo Blooms event was starting and the place was packed. So we got a look at the Manatee exhibit and the big cats and some rhinos before we decided we were done for the day. No tram running so we didn't even do our usual scenic sit and tour of the place!

We talked about returning next week--the glories of purchasing a season pass each year. We go as often as we want and leave when we've had enough--no feeling we have to stay and 'get our money's worth.'

I was looking for photos from today to add to the blog and found this one. I snapped it in 2006 when Kevin was being mobbed by lorikeets in the aviary. My claim to fame is that the zoo members newsletter published the photo in one of their issues last summer. Well, my near claim to fame since they got Kevin's name right in the caption and spelled my name wrong!

That big carefree smile. We're going to get him all well and have that thing plastered on his face again soon.

Small Sacrifices

Josh and Paige headed home to Indiana yesterday afternoon. They stayed Saturday and Monday nights with us, venturing off to Columbus on Sunday where they explored COSI and stayed at a hotel/waterpark for Sunday night. Josh had a blast at the waterpark.

Kev's tired from the busy weekend pace--he fell asleep by 8 last night--but he's feeling better now and he enjoyed being able to get out and explore a little. Being a grandparent is a great thing--we get invited to enjoy all of the adventures with the knowledge that we get to return to a quiet home and rest!

Josh and Kevin organized a Monday evening raid on Graeter's Ice Cream. Kevin has discovered that as the cold induced neuropathy fades in the days following treatment, a hot fudge sundae can cut most of the pain from eating ice cream. He says the nerve pain that gets past the hot fudge is a small sacrifice to make in order to be able to have ice cream!